An Open Letter to Reformed Christians: The Heartache of a Non-Calvinist Believer

by guest contributor Brian F. Marks

Dear Reformed Christians,

I have a few things I’d like to say and I hope you’ll consider them.

I have a hunch that by the time you reach a certain section of this open letter, you might start bristling, dismissively rolling your eyes, and scoffing that I just “don’t understand” your theologically superior, doctrinally sophisticated worldview.

In fairness, you may be right, but please hear me out.

I’ve learned plenty of things from many of you, many of them good, but there are indeed aspects of your systematic approach to Scripture that I simply do not and probably never will accept, much less comprehend. If that makes me a less-than-ideal, theologically weak Christian in your eyes, I’m OK with that.

And I want to begin with what I see as your strengths.

I believe that many of you do indeed know the Lord, love God, and are sincere in your desire to follow Jesus. I believe you want to contend for the faith once delivered to the Apostles.

Many of you have a deep, admirable love for Scripture. You read and study the Bible obsessively. You want to interpret it faithfully. You want to live in obedience to God’s Word. You want to apply it to every sphere of your life and fulfill your calling. You want to see God’s righteousness exalted and articulate politically incorrect truths with biblically informed clarity.

I’ve noticed that many of you are willing to enter the fray and challenge evil in the public square in hot-button cultural battles that other Christians shrink back from doing. You identify and name a lot of wickedness that should be exposed. You get an awful lot right.

You have also recognized that there has been a massive courage deficit in much of evangelical Christianity and you are willing to stick your neck out and say “NO” when vicious, left-wing secularist types are determined to crush the Judeo-Christian roots of our society with their ferocious, frothing fury. Many of you rightly discern the times like the sons of Issachar and respond with keen, biblically-rooted wisdom.

Many of your leaders, because of how deeply they’ve studied Scripture, preach meaty, intellectually substantive sermons that highlight God’s sovereignty and providential hand over human affairs. You’ve done some robust thinking and you’ve drawn many other previously non-Reformed Christians into your ranks because they found their minds blown given the comparatively thin preaching they grew up with in their evangelical churches (there’s a variety of examples and degrees here). One such guy I know told me that he finally felt like the Reformed tradition answered his “vital questions” that were never answered in his evangelical upbringing, and so it was like drinking from a fire hydrant when he encountered the expository preaching that is often found in your average Reformed Baptist or theologically orthodox Presbyterian church. You’ve created some helpful resources, some great classical schools, and ministries that do measurable good in the world.

You’re unafraid to point out the errors in other movements that, while Christian, they are not as grounded in Scripture as they ought to be. I’m speaking specifically of certain strains of charismatic Christian groups and other evangelical denominations that have, to varying degrees, tended to overemphasize experiences with God and forsake certain doctrinal admonitions. You are also right to point out some of the theological problems in contemporary “Jesus is My Boyfriend” music that is self-focused and insidiously leads people into strange spiritual territory.

There’s a watertight logical coherence to your systematic and you seem to be doing your best to make sense of God’s Word in its entirety, and all of its implications. And again, I believe all of this is rooted in a noble desire that many of you have to honor God in all things and to be faithful to Christ.

You truly do have some profound strengths. And regarding what I’m about to say next, please know that I’m not about to call into question your salvation nor am I approaching this in a gratuitously hostile spirit of accusation.

But I cannot and will not be a part of your tribe.

And I’m strenuously urging others, especially if they are young in the faith, to steer clear of you.

Here’s why.

I’ve been watching and observing you for the past 15 years or so, particularly since 2006 when Christianity Today put Reformed Puritan preacher Jonathan Edwards on its cover and then called John Calvin the “comeback kid” in 2009, indicating the breadth of your success. I also realize that even from within the Reformed tradition there are some theological points of disagreement among you and so not all of what I note here will apply across the board.

Yet broadly speaking, over these past years, nothing much has changed, as far as I can tell.

Aside from a few exceptions, I continue to see a never-ending sea of religiously contentious sparring and mean-spirited, prideful religious squabbling. It’s off-putting and extremely ugly. Most painfully, I happen to think it has driven people, both Christian and not, away from the Gospel, has given rise to the “nones,” and contributed to the decline of the Christian faith in the West. I realize some of you would say this was all sovereignly decreed by God those people in the church whom it drove away never truly were elected as believers and maybe even quote 1 John 2:19 at me (y’all do that proof-texting thing a lot), but I digress.

Not only do I think that you are doctrinally wrong on some important points, but the public behavior from your tribesmen is extremely ungodly – downright repellent.

It’s the most glaring contradiction to see people who purport to have such a “high view of Scripture” outlook on life act so…terribly. To non-Reformed people on the outside looking in, It’s the most glaringly obvious way God’s holy, loving character is defamed. Many of you don’t even see it. Yes, I’m telling you that you are deceived and blind. And that’s because the nature of deception is that you do not realize that you are deceived.

The reason for your deception is largely because you’re so convinced of the rightness and tightness of your doctrine that you actually may think the bad behavior is warranted. To some of you, the behavior they exhibit is either excusable or is part and parcel of their otherwise bold defenses of important truths.

I think some of you should go on Google and type in “Why are Calvinists…” in the search bar and then watch what auto-fills. Seriously, go do it right now.

Are you seeing what I’m seeing? Now, realize that the auto-fill function represents what many, perhaps millions of people search for when they ask that question. The fact that it auto-fills with “so mean”, and “so arrogant” means that that’s the experience of countless people that they are searching for answers about who you are. Have you considered that maybe the theological paradigm that you value so much is fueling these unquestionably negative perceptions? Dare I ask what about your theology is producing that? Indeed, why are you all so doggone angry all the time?

Shouldn’t the algorithm auto-fill with “so loving” and “so kind”? Isn’t that what you want? You know, to be known by the fruit of the Spirit? By their fruits, ye shall know them, no? Even self-reflective Reformed theologians have recognized this troubling pattern. None other than Reformed icon John Piper himself once attempted to answer the question “Why are Calvinists so negative?” In so many words surmised that Calvinism attracts a certain kind of harsh, rigorous (often male) mind that feasts upon the rigid, orderly structure of the Reformed doctrinal system. Similarly, the book “Killing Calvinism” by Greg Dutcher tried to address what I’m describing in 2012. From where I sit, these gentle rebukes from within your networks by your brothers have not been taken to heart.

There’s a funny (but also kind of unfunny) joke that circulates on social media that people laugh at because they know there’s such truth to it, and it goes like this “I thought about going to seminary but then I decided to disagree with a Calvinist and get five-hour lectures for free.”

Honestly, I have never seen a particular doctrinal system persuade people to the depths that it does of their rightness and create a bunch of know-it-alls.

And therein lies a key problem.

The most dreadful aspect of your system, as I see it, is that it seems to convince people that you’ve got it all figured out, that your doctrine is perfectly biblical. That you’ve got the special sauce. I’m here to tell you that you don’t.

We as human beings do indeed appear to be wired toward religious habits of mind and one of the most insidious temptations is to elevate the written words of Scripture above the Living Word, He who became flesh and dwelled among us. The diligent study of Scripture is not enough. We must go to Jesus, to have life (see John 5:39-40). Huge difference! The Bible itself isn’t God; it reveals Him.

But the systematic seems to have blinded some of you and it has led you to an accusatory, hard-edged approach toward fellow believers who are eminently godly people. And when you add touchy political questions into the equation? Almost every self-identified loudmouthed Christian Nationalist I know is very Reformed in their theology. It’s so curious to me as to why that is. Believe me, it only adds to the toxicity as they think they have politics, in addition to theology, all figured out. They really, really don’t.

It’s one thing to challenge the theological liberals whose distortions of Scripture are often plainly obvious. It’s quite another to sneer at other people who are indeed sincere believers in Jesus and who uphold the first-order cornerstone “essential” teachings of the historic Christian faith. I’m telling you, from where I sit, you’re doing a lot of sneering. You put on entire conferences taking swipes at those who believe differently about the gifts of the Holy Spirit. You laud haughty men like R.C. “what’s wrong with you people” Sproul, who treated non-Calvinist Christians with contempt. You fawn over “lion” John Macarthur, who sent Eileen Gray back to her pedophile husband and shamed her before the congregation. You excuse the horrible tactics of Doug Wilson, who uses vile language to describe women and anyone else who dares to scrutinize him. But because he’s whip smart and clever, many of you make excuses for his silver-tongued manipulation, insisting that he’s just joking. In recent days, we’ve seen horrendous, sinful behavior from other notable Reformed names like Josh Buice of G3 Ministries and Kris “Kdub” Williams of All Things Theology. I realize that bad behavior is everywhere in the Body, but the sinful antics of these Reformed types leads many of us to ask, if our theology is so defective and yours is so high and fully biblical, why isn’t it yielding a holy, morally upright character in your leaders?

I don’t know how many times I’ve been huffily mocked and browbeaten by you, telling me that my theology is “man-centered,” or that I have a “Pelagian view of sin”, or that I’m “denying God’s Sovereignty” when I assure you that I do indeed believe in it. Or if I object to something, the classic line: “You just misunderstand Calvinism.”

Seriously, stop doing that. Just stop.

Has it occurred to you that maybe some of us do understand it more than you think and it bothers you that we reject it because we cannot in good conscience agree with it and its implications, particularly when we’ve observed and experienced firsthand the abusive behaviors with which it is associated? I mean, just take a look at this old clip of RC Sproul ridiculing Christians who don’t believe in predestination in the same way he does saying that he wants to “grab them by the throat” while also having the gall to claim that the evangelical church won’t be “healthy” until it becomes solidly Reformed. Does he even hear himself? Do you? Do you genuinely not understand how nasty and cruel this is? Or are you so enamored by his prowess that you agree? It’s this kind of insufferable smugness that I cannot and will not abide.

I know that Calvinism and Reformed teaching have given many of you a seemingly coherent way of understanding the world. Feels nice, I’m sure, to have your vital questions answered and have such an articulate, explanatory power over life.

But I would ask you to consider that the control you think you have is something of an illusion. You are finite and you cannot, do not, and will never control the infinite God of the Universe. You’ll no doubt reply to me with some long-winded theological answer explaining how you already know and believe that. But I don’t think you do. Because your doctrinal posture is suffocating, and chokes the life out of people.

If that makes people like me intellectual weaklings who just “don’t get it”, OK! We just can’t do it because we don’t want to be like you, even though, again you have some notable qualities. It shatters our hearts watching you behave as you do.

Consider the following from a woman who grew up in the Reformed Presbyterian Church and used to take such pride in how airtight her doctrine was (this was in the comments of a previous essay):

“In my teens I was a certified cyberbully on the internet, debating my classmates in my online homeschool classical school forums and making them feel stupid for not believing in predestination. And I felt so proud of myself.

There's this logic in Reformed theology that all of our life flows from our theology. However, I never saw this logic applied in the inverse, as in, how about we test the soundness of our theology by the fruit of our lives? Instead, it was always applied presumptively. As long as you were correctly indoctrinated, everything else in your life would fall into place. Spirituality was completely intellectualized and never embodied. And as long as someone preached all the right theology, it was offensive to ever question their behavior or actions.

It wasn't until shortly after I was married and became a mother that I realized through what I now believe was 100% the Holy Spirit in my life, that I wasn't exhibiting any of the fruits of the Spirit. I wasn't loving. I wasn't joyful. I wasn't a peaceful person. I wasn't gentle. Not only was I not these things, but I didn't even know what it meant to be these things. What did it look like in practice? What did it feel like to experience these things? I was spiritually bankrupt and my niche elite theology and sense of superiority had kept me from realizing this my entire life.

I’m begging and pleading with you, Reformed Christians, if you can’t take it from me, take the words of one of your own to heart. If you can take it from me, I’m imploring you to take a deep look at what you believe about God that has translated into the kind of indefensible conduct that far too many of you display. There is a connection.

In light of your strengths, particularly your reverential regard for the Word, I think many of you are primed to be even more lethal to the Kingdom of Darkness than you ever thought you could be. But many of you are going to have to repent first.

And that will be more than just a cerebral exercise because you’re more than just a Scripture-saturated brain on a stick who needs to change how you think. If you seek God with all of your being in earnest here, I think many of you will find yourselves grieving deeply for how your fellow tribesmen have wounded many people. You’ve missed something crucial about God’s character.

But know this, there is life on the other side.

You do not have to choose between the rigid worldview you have now and promiscuous liberalism or the thin gruel, Bible-lite preaching found in other evangelical churches. A vibrant, intellectually satisfying, Spirit-filled life, marked by intimacy with the Lord awaits you. I’m praying that He finds you in that place of complete surrender.