What Were You Made For?

Last night my husband and I watched the season finale of American Idol. (Spoiler alert: Do not continue reading if you don’t want to know who won.)

I was pleased with America’s choice for the winner; 21-year-old Abi Carter has secretly been my favorite from the very start. I connected with her backstory—her religious upbringing, her tightlipped approach to acknowledging the dynamics that turned her mom into a single mother of seven… Throughout the season, I got the strong sense that Abi sees through eyes beyond her years.

But it was ultimately Abi’s audition video that got me hooked. I’ve probably watched it at least half a dozen times, and I still get goosebumps when I do. There’s something almost anointed about it. For the audition, she sang a song Billie Eilish wrote for The Barbie Movie called “What Was I Made For?”

It’s an age old question that’s freshly relevant in today’s global identity crisis. “What was I made for?”

I know the Sunday school answer I memorized from the Westminster Shorter Catechism as a 5-year-old: “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”

But what does this even mean? What does it look like played out in the world? As a Christian, I firmly believe that God created every single person on the planet with something unique to contribute for the benefit of others. Whether or not we choose to cultivate these gifts or use them well is up to us, but overall, I think the closer we come to living out this original design, the happier we will be. I don’t believe any of us are accidents. I think the Lord, in His wisdom, knew that planet earth needed one of you, so asking the question, “What is it that I am uniquely hardwired to contribute?” is a really important thing to do.

When we don’t answer this question, when we don’t live out our purpose, then the world around us is a little poorer for it.

As Frederick Buechner put it, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”

I like Buechner’s emphasis on the world’s deep hunger. God doesn’t give us our gifts just to spend them on ourselves. They are always, always, always designed to help other people in some capacity.

“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” 1 Peter 4:10

Sometimes our gifts will translate into vocations. For example, it should be pretty obvious that Einstein was supposed to be a theoretical physicist, Beethoven was meant to be a composer, and LeBron… well that guy’s supposed to be a superstar athlete. People like this are blessed to be able to make a living with their skills. But gifts don’t always directly correlate with a person’s line of work. What gift, you may ask, signals to someone that, “Hey. I’m obviously supposed to be a mail carrier or a janitor”?

Maybe your gift isn’t a specific talent but a character attribute. Maybe you’re hardwired with the joy of the Lord to be an encouragement to those around you in whatever sphere of influence you occupy. Maybe you’ve got supernatural discernment for problem solving in the office. Maybe you’ve got the gift of creating beauty, and you’re amazing at hospitality and homemaking and creating spaces where people can come for refreshment. None of these things are lost in God’s economy. They’re all important, every last one of them.

The point is to seek God’s face for understanding what exactly it is that you are meant to bring to the table and to ask Him for opportunities to bless as many people as possible with that gift—because as much as I firmly believe living out your God-given calling will bring you joy, I also believe that missing God’s calling will make you pretty unhappy.

I’ve been stewing a lot on this this past week, especially in light of the broader conversation the Harrison Butker speech brought to the surface, specifically as it relates to what women are made for. And listen, I’m not here to beat a dead horse, but I do think the reason so many women were so triggered by the way he framed his remarks about what will make women happy is that so very, very many of us have been punished for obeying God’s calling on our lives the minute said calling brings us outside of the confines of our home. It’s not that we aren’t fulfilled and happy in our roles as wives and mothers. (There’s nothing we love more in the world.) It’s that we’ve got additional work we know we’re called to do, and we are weary of being demonized for pursuing it by the very people who should be encouraging us in it.

If you haven’t experienced this yourself, you’re not going to be sensitive to it the way we are, but it’s a very, very real phenomenon.

In 2016, I flew all over the country to testify in Senate hearings, speak in panel discussions at conservative think tanks, inform public policy, and participate in national talk radio shows. I published my first article with The Federalist and was shocked to discover it was their top running piece that year. I enjoyed the immense privilege of pairing my passion for the dignity of women with my God-given communication skills, and in this brief moment of time, I was making a world of difference.

Every time I stepped onto a stage to speak, I was flooded with a deep sense of knowing that this was God had made me for. I was living out the Buechner quote right smack dab in the intersection of the world’s hunger and my deep gladness. I knew I belonged there. I knew I was at the center of God’s will.

But a lot of prominent men today would tell me my obedience to God in this season was actually selfishness and rebellion. They would tell me I had been hoodwinked by feminism. They would say I had abandoned my true calling to my kids because my children were in childcare. They would insist that the work I was doing was really men’s work and that I needed to be content to let them handle it. If you think I’m exaggerating, consider the fact that this is almost exactly what Jason Whitlock told J.K. Rowling recently about her own efforts in this space:

“Respectfully -- and I sincerely mean respectfully -- you need to fall back and support men like Matt Walsh. You're not built for this conflict. The failure and cowardice of men got us into this mess. Matt is standing up. You need to support him. Men have to fix this.”

“You’re not built for this conflict. You’re a woman.”

Rising chauvinist influencer echoed the sentiment when he declared that “Women weren’t built for polemics.” (That’s literally what women like me were, in fact, designed to do.)

I don’t want to spend a lot of time here. I could supply you with countless examples of this happening to women in all areas of the public sphere, but honestly, it’s a bit depressing to have to compile all that garbage and sit in the reality of it. I don’t want this article to be heavy. I want it to be uplifting and encouraging.

The point I need people to understand, though, is that too many women are guilted out of the work God calls them to, and the world suffers for it. We have to be very careful not to sideline half of God’s army and then feign dismay when we continue to lose the culture wars. We need to be careful not to wage war on our own teammates’ callings while convincing ourselves we’re doing God’s work. Instead, we ought to be really intentional about carving out space for people to follow the Holy Spirit’s promptings wherever He leads them. Our job is to pray for them, not to clip their wings.

The other thing I think we need to consider about individual callings is how relentlessly the devil will attack them—to the degree we can start to question whether or not we’re even hearing God clearly within them. I’ll give you an example of how this has played out in both my life and in my husband Daniel’s life.

As a child, I was terrified of my own voice. It started in kindergarten when kids laughed at me because I couldn’t say my r’s during show and tell, and it lasted all the way through high school, when I actually told my speech teacher to flunk me rather than force me to deliver an impromptu speech, and into college, where I would literally fake a coughing fit or yawning spell the minute a professor so much as hinted at looking my direction to ask a question.

I was gripped with fear-fear of being wrong, fear of people laughing, fear of people calling me names. Fear of my own voice.

As a child, Daniel got bullied a lot. Kids picked on him on the playground, made fun of the way he looked, jumped him after school, ganged up on him and punched him in the back of the head for no reason, and invited him to believe that he was worthless.

At age 19, Daniel decided enough was enough, and he started training for countless hours in martial arts. He earned three black belts in a relatively short period of time.

Little did either of us know back then that what we both perceived as inadequacies in ourselves were actually the opposite; they were parts of God’s original design for our roles in this world. God made me to speak. He made Daniel to protect. We just didn’t realize it because the devil was attacking our respective callings so aggressively.

It all came full circle a few years ago when Daniel drove with me to a rally in Vancouver, BC so I could speak in defense of women. There was an angry mob of people laughing at me and calling me names and chanting insults, and the louder and more vile they got, the greater my resolve grew to speak louder and with increased determination into the crowd. God had removed my fear and replaced it with confidence.

And my confidence was bolstered by the amazing protector by my side. I knew Daniel wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to me. I knew he was watching the violent protesters like a hawk, and I knew that if anyone tried to hurt me, Daniel had the skill and the dedication to shut it down. It’s a very bad idea for anyone to try to pick a physical fight with my husband. This is virtuous masculinity in action, and it’s part of God’s design for Daniel.

Like I said earlier, I sincerely believe that we are all happiest when we are walking in alignment with God’s unique design for us as individuals. The question, “God, what did you make me for?” is one that should be asked more often.

But I think it’s worth mentioning that, whatever your unique skillset or calling may be, the devil is going to work overtime to prevent you from embracing it or walking confidently in it. You’re too powerful when you do. Sometimes he will use insecurities to keep you down. Sometimes he’ll use well-intended Christians trying to cram you into a gender role for “the greater good.” We have to be walking in step with the Spirit to be able to discern the difference between a spiritual attack and an actual misalignment with God’s will.

Hemingway is a little morose for my taste, but he wrote something I think is just so accurate. He wrote, “The world breaks everyone, and after, some are strong at the broken places.”

If you’re being relentlessly attacked in any one area, take note, and take heart. It’s possible this is the area where God wants to use you most. Whatever the case, once you know who you are and what space you are called to occupy, I hope you’ll feel free to passionately pursue it regardless of the naysayers.

The wide world waits for what only you have to offer.

I'm working to treat my writing like a job, so if you appreciate my writing, I would be so grateful if you would consider investing in a paid subscription. I try to keep my costs low, but my family thanks you for every dollar you invest in my writing. Thanks so much for your support!