Tears in my eyes at the courage and endurance I read between every line. I have watched women be undone. I have seen the look in their eyes. Even as I stand next to them, they say, “I am all alone,” because they know that if you haven’t been through it, you DON’T know. And I don’t really know. Only by observation.
Thank you for writing to reach women who need to know from someone who’s lived through it that they can, too.
And try not to behave in a way that you will be ashamed of later when the dust settles. But if you fail at times, God waits patiently with love that is so long and wide and high and deep- a love that surpasses human understanding.
It's clear that every word written has been formed in the crucible of your searing experience. And it ain't over yet, I know. For many women, the devastation and shock is too overwhelming to see a way forward--as it was for you. But your faith taught you to 'lean not on your own understanding'--and although it never gave you a roadmap out of the morass, it did help you take the next step forward. I don't know why so often that's all we get: Just enough guidance (wisdom, intuition, reflex) to take the next shuffling, hesitant step forward into the fray--but I have learned that is often how He leads. I pray the women reading this take your hard-won wisdom to heart and that they understand that very often in times like this, a few illuminated steps in the slog are all we get. No one is showing up with a map and a compass. But getting tired, heavy feet onto the only road that leads out of the Valley; assuring broken but brave warriors that they are seen; holding the lantern hisghenough to share the light--well, that makes all the difference.
This is honest, compassionate, and deeply needed. Thank you for writing to the woman who is still standing in the wreckage and reminding her that showing up still counts as courage.
I especially appreciated the reminder to stay close to Jesus, choose beauty when possible, and let the body of Christ help hold up weary arms. That is not small advice. That is survival with hope still breathing.
“Mom’s having a hard day, and Mom is also going to be okay” is such a powerful picture of honest strength. Thank you for giving language to women who may feel alone in this.
Your essay is not bad,but one question about therapy. Why should anyone seeking it out take pains to ensure her therapist 'shares her belief system'? What if those beliefs are wrong, which at least some of them will be, for anyone? Does she merely want a therapist who will tell her what she wants to hear, shouting 'amen, sister!'?
I’m not going to seek counsel from someone with a fundamentally different perspective on truth and what leads to healing.
I don’t mean someone who just nods along and tells you what you want to hear. A good therapist should challenge you when you’re wrong.
What I do mean is that therapy inevitably rests on assumptions about human nature, morality, purpose, marriage, family, forgiveness, identity, and what a healthy life looks like. Those aren’t neutral questions.
If I believe my faith is true, it makes sense that I’d want a therapist who works from that same framework, just as an atheist might prefer an atheist therapist, or someone from another faith might seek a therapist who understands theirs. Shared beliefs don’t eliminate disagreement; they simply mean you’re working from the same map while deciding which direction to go.
Or does she "want" a therapist who tells her that her husband "is a woman now" and you must conform to the "she/her" propaganda. As three therapists did to me a few years, 10 years and 20 years after I discovered my husband's secret crossdressing life. You think that's me being a demanding client? Soorrryyy. I fired all 3 of them. I do not "need to understand" my ex husband's sick fetish.
Kaeley
AMAZING
Tears in my eyes at the courage and endurance I read between every line. I have watched women be undone. I have seen the look in their eyes. Even as I stand next to them, they say, “I am all alone,” because they know that if you haven’t been through it, you DON’T know. And I don’t really know. Only by observation.
Thank you for writing to reach women who need to know from someone who’s lived through it that they can, too.
I would add: take care of yourself.
Do things that nurture and refresh you:
a walk in the woods,
a hot bath,
a new haircut,
exercise.
And try not to behave in a way that you will be ashamed of later when the dust settles. But if you fail at times, God waits patiently with love that is so long and wide and high and deep- a love that surpasses human understanding.
It's clear that every word written has been formed in the crucible of your searing experience. And it ain't over yet, I know. For many women, the devastation and shock is too overwhelming to see a way forward--as it was for you. But your faith taught you to 'lean not on your own understanding'--and although it never gave you a roadmap out of the morass, it did help you take the next step forward. I don't know why so often that's all we get: Just enough guidance (wisdom, intuition, reflex) to take the next shuffling, hesitant step forward into the fray--but I have learned that is often how He leads. I pray the women reading this take your hard-won wisdom to heart and that they understand that very often in times like this, a few illuminated steps in the slog are all we get. No one is showing up with a map and a compass. But getting tired, heavy feet onto the only road that leads out of the Valley; assuring broken but brave warriors that they are seen; holding the lantern hisghenough to share the light--well, that makes all the difference.
This is honest, compassionate, and deeply needed. Thank you for writing to the woman who is still standing in the wreckage and reminding her that showing up still counts as courage.
I especially appreciated the reminder to stay close to Jesus, choose beauty when possible, and let the body of Christ help hold up weary arms. That is not small advice. That is survival with hope still breathing.
“Mom’s having a hard day, and Mom is also going to be okay” is such a powerful picture of honest strength. Thank you for giving language to women who may feel alone in this.
Thank you momma!!!!
Your essay is not bad,but one question about therapy. Why should anyone seeking it out take pains to ensure her therapist 'shares her belief system'? What if those beliefs are wrong, which at least some of them will be, for anyone? Does she merely want a therapist who will tell her what she wants to hear, shouting 'amen, sister!'?
lol. Thanks, I guess. 😂
I’m not going to seek counsel from someone with a fundamentally different perspective on truth and what leads to healing.
I don’t mean someone who just nods along and tells you what you want to hear. A good therapist should challenge you when you’re wrong.
What I do mean is that therapy inevitably rests on assumptions about human nature, morality, purpose, marriage, family, forgiveness, identity, and what a healthy life looks like. Those aren’t neutral questions.
If I believe my faith is true, it makes sense that I’d want a therapist who works from that same framework, just as an atheist might prefer an atheist therapist, or someone from another faith might seek a therapist who understands theirs. Shared beliefs don’t eliminate disagreement; they simply mean you’re working from the same map while deciding which direction to go.
Please see my response to Thomas, above. I think he just needs to know some details.
Or does she "want" a therapist who tells her that her husband "is a woman now" and you must conform to the "she/her" propaganda. As three therapists did to me a few years, 10 years and 20 years after I discovered my husband's secret crossdressing life. You think that's me being a demanding client? Soorrryyy. I fired all 3 of them. I do not "need to understand" my ex husband's sick fetish.
There are therapists who counsel from a Christian perspective and if you aren't Christian that isn't going to help you. Just one example.