I have dissociation myself (as well as being autistic). However, this sounds like it might be ADHD and autism. I'm not saying you don't also experience dissociation, but the organisational problems are pretty typical of ADHD and spatial issues often go with autism. They're to do with visual processing. I have the same issue. ADHD is a comorbidity of autism about 50% of the time.
I definitely have ADD. (Psychologist said mine was pretty severe- whatever that means), but I’m not autistic. I just don’t have nearly enough of the other markers.
I am curious if you have ever been treated for ADHD. I too have adhd. It runs in families. From my grandfather we can trace it forward to the fourth generation in my great nephew. Please know I am not reducing your struggles to ADHD. What you experienced in trauma also causes a lot of it. Just wondering along WITH Liberty Duck above if your ADHD plays into the intensity of what you deal with.
Thank you for sharing your story here. And my prayer for you as I read this is that the last sentence you wrote will indeed be true
I too watch Hoarders and I did it to understand my own mother. Your story, however, isn’t quite my own but I also can relate to the chronic disorganization and constant striving to keep the dining room table from being unusable and my desk from being overrun with papers and objects du jour.
I’ve read enough about this to know it’s all related to childhood trauma somehow and I’m so sorry for what you had to survive.
Toxic families are disgusting and each own are disgusting in their own ways, to paraphrase another well-known author.
I also have massive problems with disorganisation and disassociation. It has been a constant source of shame throughout my life. As a woman and mother, social expectations mean that when the house is a mess, the blame usually lands with you. I have not experienced significant trauma. I think it is just a part of who I am. I am creative. I spend a lot of time alone and in my own head, outside in the garden or with animals and children. Car keys and material things just don’t have value in my life.
When my husband and I meet someone new, or go to a social gathering, he will be able to describe what other people were wearing, how the furniture was arranged and what car they were driving. I will be able to tell you how they were feeling, what their body language was and when it was incongruent with their words. We all have different gifts. We can’t all be good at everything. I have learnt to value my gifts and accept my limitations.
I still try to keep the house hygienic, if not tidy. My main strategy is to spend as little time indoors as possible. If I am not in the house, I can’t mess it up. I set up a minimalist outdoor kitchen by the creek and do all my washing and cooking by the campfire. It is glorious. The children swim and play, the goats forage, we read classic books and build with natural materials. Our modern houses with all the ‘things’ are a capitalist construct. As is cleaning and maintaining all the stuff. I think it is natural and healthy to not want an empty life that revolves around maintaining useless things, as the traditional 1950’s housewife did. I devote my time instead to meaningful practices – raising children, growing food, animal husbandry, art, love, prayer, life.
This is not what I expected from the title, but you’ve hit the mark again Kaeley. I’d never thought of the dissociation/disorganisation being linked, but it makes so much sense, I have a degree of improvement in one (keys get to key bowl most of the time) so there’s hope for the other!
Love you! Trauma causes lots of these behaviors..... clutter is a symptom...."the crappy childhood fairy" is someone who I have learned so much about trauma. From my clutter, I try to do just one space at a time. I've also used hypnosis, which has been very helpful with dealing with emotional pain. My abuse was not as horrific as yours, but I was physically beat by nuns for a couple of years diring my formative years. When I notice clutter, I try to give myself a little extra grace. Xxoo sending lots of love and affection. https://youtu.be/FZwY4tAfX1A?si=P1blVmCEoVPeN2D8
I have dissociation myself (as well as being autistic). However, this sounds like it might be ADHD and autism. I'm not saying you don't also experience dissociation, but the organisational problems are pretty typical of ADHD and spatial issues often go with autism. They're to do with visual processing. I have the same issue. ADHD is a comorbidity of autism about 50% of the time.
I definitely have ADD. (Psychologist said mine was pretty severe- whatever that means), but I’m not autistic. I just don’t have nearly enough of the other markers.
I am curious if you have ever been treated for ADHD. I too have adhd. It runs in families. From my grandfather we can trace it forward to the fourth generation in my great nephew. Please know I am not reducing your struggles to ADHD. What you experienced in trauma also causes a lot of it. Just wondering along WITH Liberty Duck above if your ADHD plays into the intensity of what you deal with.
Thank you for sharing your story here. And my prayer for you as I read this is that the last sentence you wrote will indeed be true
Thank you Kaeley. What a powerful post!
The perp who abused you as a child was EVIL.
Your dissociation was 100 percent understandable.
The Christianese mantra which says we are not to trust or heed our emotions is UNBIBLICAL and it serves the agenda of the perps.
I too watch Hoarders and I did it to understand my own mother. Your story, however, isn’t quite my own but I also can relate to the chronic disorganization and constant striving to keep the dining room table from being unusable and my desk from being overrun with papers and objects du jour.
I’ve read enough about this to know it’s all related to childhood trauma somehow and I’m so sorry for what you had to survive.
Toxic families are disgusting and each own are disgusting in their own ways, to paraphrase another well-known author.
I also have massive problems with disorganisation and disassociation. It has been a constant source of shame throughout my life. As a woman and mother, social expectations mean that when the house is a mess, the blame usually lands with you. I have not experienced significant trauma. I think it is just a part of who I am. I am creative. I spend a lot of time alone and in my own head, outside in the garden or with animals and children. Car keys and material things just don’t have value in my life.
When my husband and I meet someone new, or go to a social gathering, he will be able to describe what other people were wearing, how the furniture was arranged and what car they were driving. I will be able to tell you how they were feeling, what their body language was and when it was incongruent with their words. We all have different gifts. We can’t all be good at everything. I have learnt to value my gifts and accept my limitations.
I still try to keep the house hygienic, if not tidy. My main strategy is to spend as little time indoors as possible. If I am not in the house, I can’t mess it up. I set up a minimalist outdoor kitchen by the creek and do all my washing and cooking by the campfire. It is glorious. The children swim and play, the goats forage, we read classic books and build with natural materials. Our modern houses with all the ‘things’ are a capitalist construct. As is cleaning and maintaining all the stuff. I think it is natural and healthy to not want an empty life that revolves around maintaining useless things, as the traditional 1950’s housewife did. I devote my time instead to meaningful practices – raising children, growing food, animal husbandry, art, love, prayer, life.
This is not what I expected from the title, but you’ve hit the mark again Kaeley. I’d never thought of the dissociation/disorganisation being linked, but it makes so much sense, I have a degree of improvement in one (keys get to key bowl most of the time) so there’s hope for the other!
Thank you for courageously sharing this.
Love you! Trauma causes lots of these behaviors..... clutter is a symptom...."the crappy childhood fairy" is someone who I have learned so much about trauma. From my clutter, I try to do just one space at a time. I've also used hypnosis, which has been very helpful with dealing with emotional pain. My abuse was not as horrific as yours, but I was physically beat by nuns for a couple of years diring my formative years. When I notice clutter, I try to give myself a little extra grace. Xxoo sending lots of love and affection. https://youtu.be/FZwY4tAfX1A?si=P1blVmCEoVPeN2D8